Joy in the Chaos

The series begins here

Well, we’ve landed. Or maybe tumbled, sideways and slightly breathless, into this next chapter - Hot Messers. And I could not be happier you're here.

A few months ago, I started thinking about this space, hearing whispers, then nudges and more recently slightly aggressive poking from friends who know me well. Substack is the place to build - not just a newsletter, but a community - a space for stories, chaos, connections, and joy. For the parts of ourselves that don’t fit into a grid post or polished caption. The bits we usually hide, or speed through.

And so, my friends, here we are. WE.

I’ve called this series Joy in the Chaos - because frankly, I like a good format and my ADHD brain needs some structure. But also because to me it now feels pointless waiting for the calm! Which sounds bleaker than it should, it actually feels hopeful to me. To actively seek out and highlight, to sit and languish in the chaos knowing this is the joy. The joy is now, in the mess, in the madness, in the bits we trip over daily. And I want to explore that with you.

Step by step, thought by thought, slow sip by slow sip.

But first, where have I been?

Well… it’s been busy but also kind of not. Few things to hold on to but also an insane amount to get to grips with. This contradictory nature will be a theme, I’m not a Gemini so I really don’t know where it comes from, but things seem to hold absolute opposite truths for me a lot of the time.

There is change in the way I show up now. I’m not sure if it’s age or having been (through work and motherhood) forced to reveal myself, but I no longer bother trying to be anyone but myself.

I don’t even really bother washing my hair that often and it’s a relief. I think and I’m not for a second suggesting Substackers (is that the collective term?) don’t wash their hair but the unvarnished way people appear on here, at least when I’ve been lurking in the shadows, suggests were all letting it hang out a bit more and I am HERE FOR THAT.

So, what’s this all about?

Because joy doesn’t just appear when the to-do list is done. It’s not hiding behind your inbox or at the bottom of your laundry pile. It's in the ordinary. The overlooked. The bloody annoying sometimes.

I’ve been thinking a lot about slowness and how deeply unnatural it feels to me. I move fast. I talk fast. I type like a demon possessed. I walk like I’m late for a meeting, even when I’m heading to the fridge.

My mind?

Ten tabs open, three playlists on, holding conversations with myself while I’m on a Zoom and doing online shopping and content editing (subtly obviously). But seriously - after years of sprinting from job to job, idea to idea, country to country I’ve been trying to move through the same life, just a little more gently.

So, when I say slow, I don’t mean some floaty, saintly, linen-clad complete life overhaul. I mean:

• Can I walk a bit slower on the school run?

• Can I make a cup of tea without checking my phone?

• Can I actually listen to a podcast without setting it to 1.5x because I’m too “busy” to hear someone’s full sentence at a real human pace?

We’re not talking about a massive overhaul. No new morning routine. No oat milk detox or ‘that girl’ rebrand. Just… less rush. More noticing.

Because I’m secretly a nerd I’ve been swotting up on how exactly to do this, and I’m going to share that with you, the little daily tweaks that have actually made a difference + what I’m reading, and that special brew recipe I wash it all down with.

First things first - our nervous system gets a word in

Slowness, I’ve realised, isn’t laziness. It’s a bloody rebellion. Especially for women who’ve been taught to hustle, achieve, keep the plates spinning, smile, rinse, repeat.

When we slow down, our nervous system recalibrates. It says: you’re OK. You’re not being chased by a wild animal. You’re allowed to take a beat. Even if just for two minutes in the kitchen with a cuppa and a slice of quiet.

This isn’t about quitting life or escaping your responsibilities. It’s about taking the things you already do - the brushing of teeth, the putting on of laundry, the walk to the shops -and doing them with even slightly more awareness. More softness. Noticing when I’m rushing through those tasks because that means I’m rushing through my life and I’m sick of doing that.

Here’s what I’ve been doing :